223 Self-Compassion Practices & Yoga Episode By Chris McDonald

Chris McDonald: Therapists are great at showing compassion to others, but how often do we offer that same kindness to ourselves? In this episode, we'll be exploring self compassion through the lens of yoga. I'll share why self compassion is essential for therapists, the powerful benefits it brings, and simple practices you can use for yourself and for your clients.

If you've ever struggled with self criticism or burnout, this one's for you. Tune in and give yourself the care you deserve. On today's episode of Yoga in the Therapy Room podcast. Thanks for being here. Welcome to Yoga in the Therapy Room, the non traditional therapist guide to integrating yoga into your therapy practice.

I'm Chris McDonald, licensed therapist and registered yoga teacher. This podcast is here to empower therapists like you with the knowledge and confidence to bring yoga into their practice safely and ethically. So whether you're here to expand your skills, enhance your self care, or

Welcome back to the Yoga in the Therapy Room podcast, the non traditional therapist's guide to integrating yoga into your therapy practice. I'm Chris McDonald, and today we're talking about a topic that is essential for both therapists and clients, and that is self compassion. And just remembering self compassion is rooted in mindfulness and it is more of a kindness towards ourselves.

And as therapists, we often can be very compassionate towards others, very giving, but then it can be difficult to bring that to ourselves. We can often be our harshest critic and leave ourselves out of compassion. Knowing that our roles demand holding space for others, navigating many big emotions and intensities and traumas from other people, this becomes an ethical responsibility that we do have to take care of ourselves.

This is an imperative. Self compassion is not just a luxury, but a necessity for our own well being. So in this episode, we'll explore the benefits of self compassion. I'm going to bring to you some research on the impact of it and be sharing some simple self compassion practices from yoga that you can integrate into your own self care and even introduce to your own clients.

So whether you're listening right now on a break between sessions, maybe on your way to the office, or maybe you're unwinding at the end of the day, I invite you to take this time for yourself and take some time to show that compassion for what you need. Let's cultivate that a little more kindness right now in this moment.

Well let's start first with defining what is self compassion. You might have heard this phrase or it's become like a Bit of a buzzword in the therapist world and with the general population, which is pretty amazing that it is getting out there. But if you're not sure what it is, so just know it's that practice of treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and understanding that you would offer a friend in times of need or struggle.

A lot of times it's easy for us as therapists to give to others, but when we give it to ourselves, it can be uncomfortable. We're not used to it. It involves recognizing your own suffering, but not with self criticism. So it could sound something like, instead of, I'm angry at myself for being anxious again before I give a presentation, instead we can bring self compassion and say, this is hard for me.

And I recognize that anxiety is something we all experience, and I'm going to give it space. Do you see the difference? So acknowledging we all are imperfect, but it's part of the human experience. and using kindness instead of self criticism. To me, it's like a simple definition, but really hard to put into place.

And it does take a lot of practice. You can't just say, oh, let me just be kind. The end. It's going to take some time for you to learn these practices, really understand how to integrate into daily life, as well as teaching clients these practices. I will say the one component of therapy sessions that I bring in with every single client.

No matter what the issue is, is self compassion. So many have the inner critic. Many struggle to be kind to themselves. I have many people with codependent tendencies, meaning that they put others needs above their own, and it's hard for them. to find ways to give themselves the kindness and compassion they so readily give to others.

And you may experience that with some clients that you see as well. But I think who does not need more self compassion? I'm not sure if anyone other than maybe if you believe in God or we all need more self compassion. But let's look back at some of the research. So Kristen Neff is one of the pioneers in this field.

So she did a study that found Individuals with higher levels of self compassion experienced lower levels of anxiety, depression, and rumination. They also reported higher levels of emotional resilience and psychological well being. That's food for thought. Self compassion, they found, is associated with higher life satisfaction and better emotional regulation.

I know that once clients, I hear them with more self compassionate talk in sessions, I find that they are doing better, that they are making more progress in therapy. They're making progress towards their goals. I have witnessed this myself. So if you want evidence based strategies, there you go. And just another research study for you.

So self compassion individuals were less prone to depression, anxiety, and stress. They were more likely to engage in adaptive coping mechanisms such as mindfulness and positive reappraisal. Self compassion acts as a buffer against the negative effects of perceived failure. Wow, again, so the results are there.

So it is just that process of shifting our thinking, reframing our mindsets on what self compassion is and how can we be kinder to ourselves. And these studies highlight how self compassion can promote emotional wellbeing overall because they both have similar results and act as a tool. These are tools that we can teach our clients to help reduce mental health struggles.

So I hope that feels good for you too knowing that this is another tool that we can use for ourselves and our clients to help reduce stress and anxiety and more balance in the nervous system. And overall mental health, it also helps with self esteem. So practicing self compassion can help clients improve self worth by allowing them to feel worthy of care and love, giving that gentleness, that ways to support themselves, regardless of their flaws, instead of just judging themselves for making mistakes, they can just see it as a bigger picture.

And just know that everybody's got flaws. And how can I still bring that kindness to myself? It also can help with better relationships. Self compassion helps us show up more fully for others. So if we're in a better state of mind, we're able to stay within our window of tolerance. Our tolerance for stress is much bigger.

It's going to help our relationships overall. And we can offer more compassion and empathy for others once we have cultivated it for ourselves. What about for therapists specifically the benefits? One thing I've noticed as I've developed more self compassion over the years is it does help prevent the burnout and compassion fatigue.

Because we are exposed to so many intensive emotions and trauma, difficult stories, just when I think I've heard everything, I haven't. And it can be challenging to let go of that. And we may feel sometimes that we're not doing anything, not offering enough space, not doing enough, but with self compassion we can remind ourselves that it's okay.

That there can be times that we're overwhelmed by client stories and that, but we need to find that healthy detachment from those, but still offer space, be supportive. And just being careful with what we say to ourselves can help us feel better about who we are. as clinicians and help us maintain those emotional boundaries that we need for clients to process their feelings and for us to have space another time to process our own feelings that come up.

And that kindness overall is going to help us be in a better space so that it will help us release our own anxiety, depression. and be more resilient to better help clients to serve them so we will become better clinicians as well as better people overall. And I think it helps us too with perfectionism.

If you're someone who tries to be perfect and be the most perfect therapist for your clients, not everybody is. No one is, I should say. So just knowing that we can bring self compassion. Oh, I shouldn't have said that in the session. Oh, that didn't seem like it landed well with the client. We all have those moments.

I think just remembering that from the human component, as therapists, that all of us have had those times that maybe we weren't our best that day, or it didn't land as well as we'd hoped. But overall, remembering that we are there for them, and there's a reason that you became a therapist, is you want to help them.

You want to do what you can to best provide space and help them heal from whatever they're experiencing, and to build the tools in emotional resiliency. And that there will be moments that it doesn't go as well as we expected, and that's okay. As long as we can repair that and work through it, we can get to the other side.

I think this leads to more self acceptance of ourselves and where we are as clinicians. And maybe that can lighten the load a little bit, especially for those of you who are newer in this field, self compassion practices are going to be even more instrumental to helping you. I remember when I started, I was at a high school as a school counselor and I had two supervisors who were helping me and I would do a lot of observing at first and see how they handled situations with students and try to ask questions.

But remember just sitting in that imposter syndrome, I remember having this thought, am I ever going to be as good as they are? Because I would watch them and their skills were spot on with their counseling skills. And I was just so impressed and it just made me feel so insecure. But I think in that moment if I could give myself some of that compassion that I was just learning, I was just starting out and that's okay, I didn't need to have all the answers, that we all have to start somewhere.

So if that's you or maybe you're starting a new job, a new role, it can bring up a lot of feelings imposter syndrome. But bringing that self compassion in, I think, can really help us and take off some of that pressure, right, that we have to be perfect or know every single intervention and coming back to as a clinical supervisor, I tell a lot of supervisees, just come back to the basics when you're having those difficult moments.

That having space for clients, providing a safe container, the therapeutic relationship is helpful in itself. Just keep that in mind, especially on those more difficult days. Are you a mental health therapist who feels like traditional talk therapy isn't enough? Are you wanting a more somatic approach?

You're not alone. Many therapists feel the pull to offer something more, something that helps clients connect with their body, regulate their nervous system, and find healing beyond words. That's why I created Yoga Basics Course for Therapists, an eight week training designed to help you confidently integrate yoga into your clinical practice, and no prior yoga training is required.

In this course, you'll learn how to use trauma informed yoga for nervous system regulation. ethical ways to introduce yoga into sessions safely, simple postures and breathwork techniques tailored for therapists. It's time to bring something new and transformative into your sessions. Let's move beyond the limits of talk therapy and offer clients a holistic path to healing.

I have to take a break. I part of me wanted to keep going. And then the other parts like, well. So I did give into the self compassion. I said, you know what? I am feeling fatigued. I need to take this break for lunch right now. And I wasn't going to, but I did. So I think we have to override and maybe give a little more strength to that part of ourselves that recognizes when we are needing something and following through.

And maybe some days you need that extra support. I mean, reaching out to colleagues. Two, so that they understand what's happening and it can give you the support you need. We can't do this ourselves, so we need our support systems of people in the field, as well as friends outside of the field. I know I talk about that in my book, Self Care for the Counselor, that we have to look at support in many different ways, from people who understand and get it, But then we don't want to get too caught up in shop talk, especially in social situations.

So finding people who are out of the field so we can get a more objective perspective on something we might be struggling with. And of course, getting your own clinical supervision. I still get mine at times and or sometimes just consultation from a colleague. Let me just bounce this off of you. And usually that is very refreshing because I'm usually on the the right track usually, right?

Um, and it just helps me to get a little more guidance and maybe look at it a different way or try something different with a client. But again, this is all part of our self care and well being to take care of ourselves. So again, going back to number one, burnout, compassion fatigue, we have to do this in order to help ourselves.

And it's how we treat ourselves really impacts our work. And I think it impacts our effectiveness. When we're kind to ourselves, we're able to be more present, more engaged. We're not having that one part of ourselves that's triggered and saying, Oh, I don't know what I'm doing. Another therapist would be more helpful for this person.

Another therapist would know what to say. So really recognizing maybe some of the thinking of when you are not being compassionate with yourself. And how can I reframe this? What would be self compassion talk? And that's an exercise you can do with your clients. I've had clients write down some of their thoughts that might be holding them back and talk about the impact of how it makes them feel and their behaviors from it.

What would be more self compassionate talk? And then they start to recognize, oh, If I say it this way, that I'm doing the best I can right now, that's more self compassionate talk, rather than beating myself up for not knowing everything on the first day of a new job. As an example, I'm doing the best that I can.

And just noticing the emotion that comes up, noticing how you feel energy wise. When you're not beating yourself up. I'm taking a grief yoga training right now It's a hundred hour training, which has been absolutely phenomenal. Shout out to Paul Denniston He's amazing. If you ever get a chance to take his training, but I had this thought too I was I was like what we were doing some self compassion body practices and I thought what would it be like if I always?

Treated myself with gentleness kindness And compassion. So listen, I'm going to throw that out to you as well. And I felt like this lightness in myself, it almost brought that, oh my gosh, what a different experience it would be as humans if we all could bring that lightness, gentleness, and kindness.

Within and it's going to impact how we present to others outside of ourselves in our families with our clients with our friends. So, allow yourself just to ponder that that could be a good journaling question. I think journaling can be a really powerful way to connect. And to work on these self compassion practices.

I've also used self compassion with journaling with clients in session. And one exercise from Kristen Neff that you can use is the friend exercise. Is to imagine that you have a friend going through the same difficult situation that you're facing. What would you say to them? And then have them journal it out, write it out.

And you can do this listener for yourself if you'd like. You can pause this and write it out or save it for later. And then the second part, what do you say to yourself as you're going through that same situation and have them write that out and then compare the two. So what do you notice in your self talk towards others?

What do you notice in the self compassion talk to yourself or the how you usually talk to yourself? What do you notice? And how does it feel as you look over how you talk to yourself? And what you'll find is usually they're surprised at how harsh they are to themselves, and the self compassion overflows for others.

So that can be a good exercise for them to see it in writing as a visual. And then how can you shift your thinking towards what you wrote to your friend and say it to yourself, and even have them practice out loud? what that would feel like. Now it might be difficult for some to do that, so you could move them and titrate that towards that.

Just some more food for thought. I wanted to share some more self compassion practices with yoga for you and your clients. So these are things that you could practice during session or give as homework. And the first one is based on the work of Kristin Neff. And it's called the self compassion break. So I want you to think back to a stressful moment, something that happened today or in the past, and just kind of allow that to come up inside.

And if you're with a client in session, this could be easy because they're probably already bringing something up. So notice as you talk about that, What comes up in your body, what sensations, what thoughts are you experiencing? What do you notice with your breath? And then say to yourself one of these or create your own.

This is a moment of suffering. This is difficult for me right now. Or this is stressful. You can also hold your hand over your heart as you say this and say it with mindful self compassion. This is a moment of suffering. Or, this is difficult for me right now, or this is stressful. Hand on heart. You can put both hands or one hand.

And just breathe for a moment. The second part is to remind yourself that encountering pain is part of the shared human experience. You can also say to yourself, other people feel this way. Or, it's okay, we all struggle sometimes. Or, this is a part of being human, and maybe finding a soothing touch as you have your hand over your heart, maybe adding a little more pressure, or a little bit less, or even hovering above if you don't want to touch your body, giving yourself kindness, caution with touch, a little self massage.

Bringing that gentleness you give to so many others. And then releasing any movement or massage you're giving. Then create some words of comfort. Say to yourself, it's okay. I messed up, but it's not the end of the world. Or, this is not easy for me. This could be also a time to write down what could be some words of comfort, really individualize it towards yourself, then ask yourself, what do I need right now to express kindness to myself right now?

What do I need right now to express kindness towards myself? You could say something like, may I give myself the compassion I need? May I forgive myself. May I learn to accept myself as I am. May I hold my pain with tenderness. May I give myself the compassion I need. And then one more time, breathing into that heart space.

Inhaling and exhaling. Good. And then check in, notice how you're feeling. What emotions come up as you do this? Thoughts? Sensations? So that's the self compassion break. I added a little more than she does for that, but I think there's lots of different ways to do this and a lot of adaptations. And I find that when I'm having a difficult time that I'm able to do that and just to pause for a moment and give myself that compassion.

We also can do what's called a loving kindness meditation, which has similar parts of what we just talked about with wishing ourselves well, basically. But what I've learned recently is to use it with an embodied practice. So we're going to do it with what's called a compassionate hug today. So, When you're ready, take your right hand and just put it under your left armpit.

I'm going to shift with my microphone here and do this with you. And then bring the left arm across. So this should look like you're giving yourself a hug. Or you're welcome just to bring hands to opposite shoulders to give yourself that hug. Feeling held feeling. You can give yourself a little squeeze on the arm and under the arm if you'd like.

And breathe here. Sometimes this is enough just to be here. giving ourselves that kindness and compassion in the moment, physically. I remember yoga is about awareness. So in this pose, we can also see what's coming up for us, noticing the thoughts, the feelings, physical sensations, what is there. Without judgment is showing self compassion and mindfulness.

And as you're here, you can close your eyes or leave your eyes gently open, looking at the floor. Repeat these phrases out loud or in your mind. May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live with ease. And then think of a loved one. Bring an image in your mind as you stay in this compassionate hug.

Imagine sending it out to them. May they be safe. May they be happy. May they be healthy. May they live with ease. And if you want to let go of the compassionate hug part, you can open up space for others. You can bring arms out to the side. Opening up the chest a little bit. Think of someone that irritates you and bothers you and we're gonna wish them well.

You can say it in your head or out loud. May they be safe. May they be happy. May they be healthy. May they live with ease. And just notice what comes up as you do this. Any emotions, thoughts, energy, sensations. And then imagine all living things. With your arms open, opening up space in your heart. May they be safe.

May they be happy. May they be healthy. May they live with ease. And then we can conclude this with bringing hands to heart. Breathing. Just having hands on heart can be soothing, helps calm the nervous system, turns on that parasympathetic response. And we can use affirmations of self compassion. No matter what you're going through, reminding yourself, I am doing the best I can in this moment.

I am doing the best I can in this moment. It's okay to make mistakes. I can learn from them. It's okay to make mistakes. I can learn from them. Every session may not go well, but I will make it through. Every session may not go well, but I will make it through. And you can release your hands, maybe again, noticing, bringing that mindful awareness of what's coming up after you've done this, giving yourself this loving kindness and affirmation, and again, affirmations of self compassion can be something you can share with clients as well.

Give them some examples and then have them create some. Another way to bring in some self compassion with yoga is through smooth, gentle movements. And we can use it with a visualization, so try it with me. So bringing hands to heart, and we're going to inhale, bringing arms out to the side in a nice chest stretch.

You can do this standing or seated. And then, exhale, imagine gathering up all the energy of self compassion, love, and through your hands, bringing that to your heart, or your chest. Bringing hands on, noticing the self compassion energy filling you up, from your heart, all the way to your head, down your shoulders, arms, your torso.

Down your legs to your feet. And when you're ready, trying that again. Inhaling, bringing arms out to the side, opening up the chest, opening up space. You're welcome to bring your head back if that feels right for you. And then exhaling, gathering up whatever color you visualize self compassion as, kindness, love, bringing that into your heart from your hands, allowing it to absorb within you.

And then checking in, noticing how you feel after bringing in. this loving kindness energy. How is everyone feeling after doing a lot of these self compassion practices? I know I feel a little boost, a little energized, maybe a little calmer too, so I think it can bring some of that resiliency, that balance in your nervous system, and just know you can come back to this too, this recording, and try these again if you weren't able to practice while you were listening, if you were walking or doing something else.

The more we do these, the more we are changing our neural pathways. to move towards more self compassion. And it's going to take some time, so give yourself grace. I know it's not going to be perfect, and it won't be perfect for your clients either. They're going to need your, your care and support through this and guidance.

Well, that brings us to the end of a another solo episode. I forgot to preface that I wasn't interviewing anyone today, but thank you for spending your time with me today. It really means the world to me to have you here and have you. as a listener. And I got a question for you. Do you feel like traditional talk therapy sometimes isn't enough for your clients and you're looking for a way to help them heal beyond words?

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Go to hcpodcast. org forward slash yoga basics. That's hcpodcast. org forward slash yoga basics. And once again, this is Chris McDonald sending each one of you. Much light and love. Till next time, take care. Thanks for listening to today's episode. The information in this podcast is for general informational and educational purposes only.

It is given with the understanding that neither the host, the publisher, or the guests are giving legal, medical, psychological, or any other kind of professional advice. We are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. Yoga is not recommended for everyone and is not safe under certain medical conditions.

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