Recently, I listened to a podcast episode that stayed with me long after it ended.
It explored something so simple, yet so profound: how often we move through life carrying what was never ours to hold.
Not just responsibilities or expectations—but emotions, energy, tension, and unspoken pain from the people around us.
And the truth is… many of us have become very good at this.
Especially those of us who are helpers, therapists, caregivers, or deeply empathetic humans.
We feel the room. We sense the shift. We absorb the unspoken.
Sometimes without even realizing it, we begin to carry the weight of others alongside our own.
Over time, that invisible load can become heavy.
It can show up as:
- Emotional exhaustion that doesn’t quite make sense
- A heaviness in the body or chest
- Difficulty resting, even when nothing is “wrong”
- Feeling responsible for how others feel
- Losing touch with what is truly ours
Holistically, this matters.
Because what we carry—emotionally, energetically, spiritually—lives in the body.
And when we hold too much for too long, the nervous system feels it.
The Practice of Discernment
One word kept echoing from that episode: discernment.
Discernment asks gentle but powerful questions:
- Is this feeling mine?
- Did this begin with me, or did I pick it up somewhere along the way?
- Am I holding this out of care… or out of habit?
Discernment is not about becoming cold or disconnected.
It is about honoring the sacred boundary between compassion and over-carrying.
We can care deeply without carrying everything. We can disconnect but still offer our presence and support.
What Might Be Ready to Be Put Down?
There is a quiet freedom in asking:
What am I holding that I no longer need to carry?
Maybe it’s:
- Responsibility for someone else’s healing
- Old expectations placed on you long ago from yourself or others
- Guilt that was never truly yours
- The belief that you must stay strong for everyone
- Or as Therapists: Are you carrying responsibility for your clients’ healing that was never yours to hold?
I often think after we’ve done this for a long time there is a cumulative impact on our nervous system and overall health & well-being.
Sometimes the most healing moment is not pushing forward…
but gently setting something down.
Not with force.
Not with judgment.
Just with awareness and permission.
Lightening the Load
Lightening the load doesn’t always require big change.
Often, it begins with small, compassionate noticing.
You might try:
- Placing a hand on your heart or belly and asking, What belongs to me right now?
- Imagining setting down a heavy bag you’ve been carrying
- Say out loud or in your mind “i release any energy that is not mine”
- Taking several slow breaths and letting the exhale release what isn’t yours
- Reminding yourself: Caring does not mean carrying everything.
These simple moments of awareness can shift the nervous system from holding… to softening.
Allowing Ourselves to Be Carried
This may be the hardest part.
Many of us are comfortable being the ones who hold others.
But receiving support… resting… being carried… can feel unfamiliar.
Yet we were never meant to do this life alone.
Sometimes healing looks like:
- Letting someone listen without fixing
- Opening up to a friend on a vulnerable issue even when its hard
- Resting without earning it
- Trusting that support can hold you, too
- Remembering that you are allowed to be cared for
There is deep wisdom in the rhythm of
carrying and being carried.
A Gentle Reflection
As you move through the coming days, you might pause and ask:
What am I carrying that isn’t mine?
What might happen if I set it down—just for a moment?
Where in my life am I allowed to be supported?
Not every question needs an answer right away.
Sometimes the awareness itself begins the healing.
And sometimes, simply loosening our grip
is enough to let a little more light in.
You don’t have to carry everything.
You were never meant to.
And even here—
in this quiet moment of reflection—
you are not alone.
Sending you much loving kindness,
Chris McDonald
Therapist & Founder of the Yoga in Therapy Collective
